Bathroom Floor Ritual
Staying up all night in candlelight, from 7pm to 7am, I wrote the most excruciating memory of 19 years prior. A story of the torturous 3 yrs (19-22 yrs old), hiding in a small town, from a relentless, wild-eyed ex-boyfriend stalker.
He was unstoppable. Not my parents, not my attorney, not my 5 brothers, not the police, not his family, not the restraining order could stop this obsessive man from hunting me, every day.
After writing all night, I entered a sensational ritual the next morning, sleep-deprived, raw. A symbolic body re-experiencing of this disastrous time. Clustered on the floor, symbolic mementos of the past: shaving cream, cherry juice, wine glass, BBQ sauce. I lay bare on the floor, tied up.
Gritty, repulsive, brown acidic bbq sauce, a desecration smeared across my body, face, & hair. I screamed. Eyes forced closed, acidic burn, with no clean hands to save me. I painfully writhed the remembrance of those excruciating years.
She, my body— shook violently, chattering jaw, hyperventilation. Patterned responses everytime his eyes found me & I ran. Hiding from him behind any locked door. I witnessed her now, in holy presence, “show me everything.”
From this purge of writing & ritual, I discovered that there was someone who came to save me when absolutely no one else could for all those years.
IT WAS ME.
I was the one who put all of this to an end.
I was infuriated that my body was being controlled by fear, that someone else had such power over my bodily responses. My rage is what saved me.
I shifted my state of being, re-wrote the script in my head, recalled all the memories giving them a different ending. An ending where I was in charge, he did not fare well with his advances on me in the visions I created in my mind. He was receiving bruises & beatings for his behavior in my imagination. I imagined these images for months… every. single. day.
Then the moment came, we crossed paths, coming to pass, face to face with this wild eyed stalker.
With tremendous surprise…
I laughed.
I couldn’t stop laughing. I was in disbelief of my response. No shakes, hyperventilation…
It was the last day I ever saw him.
He NEVER tried to find me again.
He lost his power.
Now, from my seat of power, on this cold bathroom floor, I hold her, the younger version of me who was petrified. She needs me now.
Thankfully & powerfully witnessed & filmed by: Keke Creature
Stockholm, Sweden, September 2025
BEHIND THE SCENES
How I got to this moment of Bathroom Floor Ritual
Shibari has been a tool of transformation since it first entered my hands and touched my body. My devotion to the ropes led me to create spaces for people to fall apart, to break down, to tend to old wounds, to break the walls around their hearts and bodies, to activate the voice, and to remember who they are.
Rope holds so much symbolism, of being trapped, restrained, loss of power, abuse, contained, swaddled, held, saved.
When held in conscious intentionality, Shibari & Ritual can be a conduit for change in the nervous system. The intentionality, the surrender, the total sensational presence (listening to, feeling, breathing with all the sensations).
Memories are stored in the body (ask all the somatic researchers…this is relatively new scientific research that has had groundbreaking impacts for aiding in trauma healing). Accessing the body through sensations provokes that memory. Smell, touch, taste, feeling the skin, hearing…
For me, I didn’t have a direct memory or association with BBQ marinade. Yet the texture was gritty, scraping my skin, the smell was pungent and repulsive, the taste was horrible, and the acid burned my eyes. These sensations provoked the body memory of extreme discomfort, fear, anxiety, panic, shame, and contraction. The marinade provoked similar emotional states stored in my body memory.
Shibari & Ritual does what meditation, breathwork, and ceremony have always done: quiet the part of the brain that narrates, judges, and controls, and open the part that actually holds your deepest patterns. Science calls that quieting the 'default mode network,' which is the inner critic, the self-monitor, the voice that keeps you small.
The DMN is what gets shut down during therapeutic psychedelic sessions and plant medicine journeys. This is why transformation can happen in just one session compared to 10 years of talk therapy.
What kinksters call subspace, neuroscientists recognize as a measurable altered state where the brainwaves are shifting, stress hormones dropping, and the prefrontal cortex standing down. In that window, you're not just experiencing pleasure. You're accessible. The rope becomes a portal, and what you meet on the other side is yourself.
If this is mind-bending and unbelievable, GOOD! It is something that is meant to be felt in your body rather than understood in your mind, anyway. Once you feel it, you will understand the transformational power.
And no… not just any Shibari rigger or practitioner can take you there. There is a route, there is a path, there is a way to enter these spaces that allows transformation to happen. That is why having a guide changes the experience.
Shibari & Sensation Retreat: Couples & Solos (Booking Open Now)
We will be going so deep into this transformational space in the upcoming Shibari & Sensation Retreat: EDGE in Portugal this September 2026. For couples and solos!
What to feel the shift—feel the edge— Let me take you there.
EDGE RETREAT: www.eros-unravelled.com/edge
